*Whispers* Sometimes, I set aside a little time in the day
to devote to talking to people that perhaps aren’t on this planet anymore. I
speak to my heroes; the people that inspire me that I’ll never get the chance
to meet so that I can try to receive true guidance from them. I speak to
Marilyn. I speak to Travis Alexander. I speak to George Harrison, Sharon Tate,
John Lennon – anybody I admire for their abilities, strengths and insight.
This may sound weird, but bear with me. I experienced a few
miracles recently in the face of what some would consider a pretty
disheartening time.
February 20th, 2014.
I’m sitting in my bedroom
late at night, panicking about the audition at Manchester Metropolitan
University Theatre School that I have in 2 days time. I turn to my poster of
Marilyn, those beautiful, childlike eyes watching me from her temporary place
on the floor. I start to speak to her. I just talk to her about acting. I talk
about Michael Chekhov; I ask her ephemeral questions I know I won’t get an
answer to. Most importantly, I ask for her advice. I ask for her help with my
acting, performance anxieties and to send any message or sign she can to let me
know that someone is looking out for me and sending me some positive energy. I
thanked her for what she did during her life and being such a huge inspiration
to me and I turned out my light.
So, I set off the next day for Manchester, thinking I would be spending the coach journey finding it difficult to remember my lines – just like my Rose Bruford audition. Surprisingly, my lines ingrain themselves in my head quicker than I think I’ve ever learnt a 2 minute monologue in my life. I thought nothing of it, except that I was super glad my lines were learnt and somehow sorted for the next day.
So, I set off the next day for Manchester, thinking I would be spending the coach journey finding it difficult to remember my lines – just like my Rose Bruford audition. Surprisingly, my lines ingrain themselves in my head quicker than I think I’ve ever learnt a 2 minute monologue in my life. I thought nothing of it, except that I was super glad my lines were learnt and somehow sorted for the next day.
Now, I didn’t think anything of my one sided conversation
with Marilyn until after the audition – even after the dream I had at the hotel
the night before the audition.
I went to sleep, and I had a dream about the house I lived
in until I was about 2 years old, I think. It was in Sandown, Isle of Wight,
and I lived with my Mum, Nanny and Granddad, and Round Nanny (Great Nan, to
everyone else). I vividly remember, even 39 days later, that my Great Granddad
was in the dream – a man I never met in life. This wasn’t incredibly remarkable
– I mean, I’d seen a photograph or two of him before.
But, sat in Dominos after my audition, I told my Mum about
my conversation with Marilyn, and my plea for her help and support. I told her
about Great Granddad in my dream the night before. Out of the blue, she asked
me what he was wearing. I said he was wearing a brown cardigan. Mum told me he
used to wear that cardigan all the time, and I was later shown a photo of him
wearing it. That was ‘ahaa...’ moment number 1. The second moment was when she
was asking how he was standing. I vividly remember him standing at the edge of
the room in the doorway – not intruding into the room. He was leaning on the
doorframe. Mum told me this time that he used to lean all of the time due to his breathing difficulties. For me to see
all of this in a dream, when I’ve never met the man before; I think that it was
a sign that I had someone supporting me and sending me some positive energy.
But despite this positive vibe around me, I still had that
thought in the back of my mind. I was still thinking ‘I got rejected from Rose
Bruford, my first university audition. What if I get rejected from MMU too?’ I didn't think the audition went particularly badly; in fact I thought it went really well compared to Rose Bruford, where I messed up my lines. But that niggle just wouldn't shake...
You know what happened? Eureka, I got rejected again. This won't happen with LIPA this Sunday though, because of what I will go onto discuss.
Here comes Recent Miracle #2.
10th March, 2014.
Coming home from sixth form early, I decided to watch a
documentary on Netflix. I’m studying them in Film Studies anyway, so I thought
I could analyse the codes and conventions while I was at it. I scanned through
the ones I had saved on my list, stopping on one called ‘The Secret’. It was
about scientists and philosophers discussing this secret. You know what The
Secret ended up being?
The Law of Attraction.
In the first ten minutes or so, they started discussing how
if you dwell on the fact that you currently don’t have any money, that’s where
you’re going to be stuck because the Law of Attraction states that the type of
energy you send out comes back to you – in this case, your sending out of
negative thoughts about your monetary situation will only come back at you
negatively. Whereas, if you send out thoughts such as ‘money is on its way’, or
if you can visualise yourself with a little more money as the end product of
your nearest goal then the positive energy will help you on your way to finding
the path to earning that money. You don’t have to worry about the method;
imagine yourself at the end product and your life path will lead you in the
direction to earn that money.
Now, I knew that my best friend Sophia was worried about
money, and had been asking our very good, sadly absent friend, Travis Alexander
for some positive energy due to her money problems. He had been through money problems during his life and come out successful at the end of it, so he was probably the best person to ask. I texted her, demanding she
watch this documentary right now.
I didn’t expect her to be so overcome with inspiration,
emotion and rapture towards this revelation I had just discovered.
After the documentary finished, I was doing some work and
all of a sudden a message pops up on my phone. It read:
‘omg Eloise omg omg omg!!’ with a link. It was to Travis’
final speech – 24th April, 2008, just over a month before he was
killed. We hadn’t seen this speech before, and by chance Sophia was YouTubing
around. She was going to type in ‘Jodi Arias’, but backtracked and deleted it,
searching instead for ‘Travis Alexander’. This speech we had not seen before
was one of the first results she found, and so she sent it to me.
I started to watch it, and I was overcome with this profound emotion. I found myself nodding along to Travis’ words – he was just so charismatic, so fascinating and insightful. His words were striking such incredible chords with me and I was just so overwhelmed that I cried, I clapped along with the audience in my bedroom and I couldn’t stop smiling. It was beautiful. He also mentioned the documentary we had just watched that evening at the very end of the speech.
I started to watch it, and I was overcome with this profound emotion. I found myself nodding along to Travis’ words – he was just so charismatic, so fascinating and insightful. His words were striking such incredible chords with me and I was just so overwhelmed that I cried, I clapped along with the audience in my bedroom and I couldn’t stop smiling. It was beautiful. He also mentioned the documentary we had just watched that evening at the very end of the speech.
I wouldn’t have called this a Miracle if I hadn’t realised a
little something...
The night before, I had stood at my window and spoken to Travis.
I had thanked him for what he did with his life and how his words and ideas
have inspired me. I apologised that I wouldn’t be able to read his *slim* book
due to not having a kindle, and wished that I could have met him and spoken to
him just once before he was taken. Sophia had also been asking Travis for help,
bear in mind, but was worried that he wasn’t hearing her as she didn’t think
she had received any guidance or answers to her questions.
What amazed me is that I had chosen that documentary out of
a choice of hundreds on my Netflix list. I had also debated texting Sophia, as
I worried she would be too busy with sixth form work, etc. But I did. Something
drew me to that particular documentary that day, and something told me to tell
Sophia. Something told Sophia to type into YouTube ‘Travis Alexander’ rather than the name of his
murderer, ‘Jodi Arias’. She chose to focus on the life of this wonderful man,
rather than the complicated death and court case that followed. She finds his final speech, where we hear
Travis discussing ‘The Secret’ in the final speech he gave – a speech that we
had both never found on YouTube before, but had suddenly made itself apparent
to us that particular day, when we had both watched that particular documentary.
If that isn’t someone telling us he is listening and
helping, then I don’t know what is. That’s too many coincidences – and as
Sherlock says: ‘the universe is rarely so lazy’. I think that somehow, Travis
was using me to tell Sophia he was listening to her, and there is a way for her to stop worrying about
money. I don’t know if you all will believe that, but I certainly think that he
was here with us that evening, trying to help and teach us.
“We don’t know when our last day will be” Travis said in his
final speech – Travis didn’t know in the end, of course, but through his death
he has reached more people than he may have been predestined to in his lifetime.
Maybe his death was supposed to lead us all to become better people, to realise
that one simple thing – to ‘go to bed better than you woke up’. For someone so
insightful, with such a beautiful soul, I personally don’t think he was finished yet.
Separate yourself from the masses to achieve and succeed – don’t just settle for a mediocre life and job. Separate yourself, work hard and achieve it. Stop dwelling on ‘I’m so in debt’ or ‘I have no money’ or ‘I’m
fat’ or ‘I’m ugly’ or ‘I have no talent, I won’t succeed’ – start waking up and
saying thank you straight away. Set ten minutes aside everyday to start
thinking about the good things in your life, and how grateful you are for it.
This will help you to practice positive thinking - realising the love that’s
already around you that you don’t perhaps realise. Then start visualising
yourself in abundance, with love all around you, with the success you strive
for, working the job you want, being with the person you want to be with,
living in the house you dream of, meeting a person you want to meet – whatever!
If your mind can visualise and imagine it, you can achieve it. You can do it. ‘The
human mind is its own place, and in itself can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of
Heaven’. John Milton said that, by the way. This is exactly why, when I go to LIPA on Sunday and audition for the course I want to do, I won't think of the past two rejections I've faced. I need to think of myself as an accepted student, or visualise myself graduating.
I believe in you, and you need to believe in yourself. Energy never dies; it is always there, within and without, travelling from vessel to vessel learning and growing each time. Send positive energy and receive positive results; it’s that simple.
Love,Eloise
@MissEloisabeth
No comments:
Post a Comment